​

[ 5 min read ]

Good Wednesday Reader,

So last week's note.....brought up a lot for folks. Not only did I receive a TON of responses, but many of those responses were paragraphs long of processing what it brought forth, how they want to be better members in their communities and simply being grateful for getting a moment to call themselves on their bullshit.

I thought for sure I would have a grand amount of unsubscribes...but only one person left.

I'm honored that you've chosen to stick with me.

.

.

.

.

I wanna share a subtle breakthrough I had last week.

I was given an opportunity a couple months ago to work with an organization to contribute to creating an entrepreneurship program for youth and adults that infuses human care, personal growth and wellness into the curriculum. Initially, I was under the impression that there was already an entrepreneurship curriculum in place and I was simply adding my experience, skills and expertise into the program.

I was fucking excited about it!

And then as time moved, the organization clarified that they actually wanted me to create and build the entire program from the ground up. There was no curriculum in place already and they were offering me the opportunity to take this on as "my project".

My body and energy immediately contracted when they told me that. Because that was not the initial expectation they set and also, I literally just wanted to contribute my specific zone of genius to the program....not create the program...but guess what I did???

I said yes.

I said "okay sure, yeah I can do that." And every moment after that, I convinced myself that this was such a great opportunity and if there is any resistance or push back from within, its simply fear. Its simply because I'm scared of reaching a new level of my potential. I convinced myself of this over and over...but that wasn't the truth at all. It was really a conditioned response, believe it or not. An easy way to utilize modern day "mindset" rhetoric to invalidate and disregard my body wisdom.

Over the last couple weeks I've been observing how I drag my feet with getting any tasks done for the project. Procrastinating and pushing it off. And I started to ask, what the fuck is this really about? A few days after I asked that question, I had a meeting with one of the organization partners and he started proposing I go to entrepreneurship networking events and other activities. And once again, my body started contracting basically saying "hell nah, I don't wanna do that shit."

But what did I do......you already know by now.

A couple hours after that meeting, I sent a 2 minute voice message to a friend processing what I was feeling about it all. Sharing that I was a bit confused, because I felt excited about being apart of the project, but I also felt annoyed and frustrated. I was wondering if I was just subconsciously talking myself out of it.

His response...using the word "reject" helped unlock the truth for me. All he said was " Clearly it's something you're rejecting, so the question is why are you rejecting it. Is it because it's work, outward work for someone else? Is it because you don't want to do that type of work for someone else? There's some questions to ask, why are you rejecting it? Because you're clearly rejecting it, its just the why. And then there's an answer on the other side."

I sat for a moment with his words before I responded and then it hit me. I self abandoned.

I went into this business relationship thinking I was simply contributing my part, which was extremely exciting to me. But then I said yes, more than once, to taking on expectations, responsibilities and energetic commitments, that truly were NOT yes's for me. I said yes, when I meant no. I abandoned my energetic boundaries, I disobeyed the wisdom of my body and basically fell back into a default, societal norm response...people pleasing.

A few hours after that conversation, I sat at my altar and fell into meditation about it. And when I came out, I decided that I definitely wasn't going to make myself wrong for having a moment of falling back into some old ways. I also asked the deeply revealing question...

"Where else do I do this?"

Where else and in what other areas of my life do I self abandon? Do I say yes, even when I have a clear body response that says absolutely NOT? Where else in my life do I ignore my sacral/gut insights? Where else do I self abandon, for the sake of not abandoning someone else?

I invite you to sit with these questions for yourself. Whatever comes to you, remember you don't have to make yourself wrong. You don't have to make yourself wrong because you have moments where you self abandon. Awareness is golden and then what you do with that awareness is what serves as the key to unlocking a new way to be, a new way to love on you, a new way to move in the world. And know that it may take MANY awarenesses...and that's truly ok.

Once your eyes are open, the only way they close again is if you will them to - and I hope you don't.

Update...on Monday, I candidly let the organization know that my energy and commitment to the project will be limited moving forward and that they should expect that I will not be as involved as recently discussed...

It's a step...

It's progress. And I actually talk more about the process of recalling progress as a self reverence practice in today's new podcast episode called Splitting The Chrysalis. In addition to that, I share about 8 paradigm shifts that I have surrendered into during this 7-8 month period of deep winter, sabbatical, transition and transformation.

​Tune into the episode if it feels good.​

Until next week, I'm sending my love,

Mel xx

P.S My podcast hosting company, Buzzsprout, just added a Subscriptions feature, which is basically identical to Patreon, except it's directly connected to the podcast! If you listen to the show and would like to support my work on the podcast on an ongoing basis, monthly, you can click this link to do so! I thank you so much in advance. Remember, the Full Ass Human Inner Circle Community is coming in the Spring!

​

**If you enjoy what I share in this newsletter week to week, you can leave a tip/donation here in exchange!​

#payablackwoman

​

Check out the things I've loved this week

​

---

Things I've loved this week

~ My glass, Tabitha Brown water bottle from Target. I love it so so much. VERY GOOD!!!!

~ I have loved returning to incorporating intense workouts to my movement practice. It's been years since I've engaged in intense workouts, so this feels really good. It is opening my energy so much. Shots out to my main main, Lily, for getting me started. I love her!

~ Reading All About Love by bell hooks. I had to leave this on the list for this week again, because this book is taking me places. I'm a little over halfway through. Might have to be a podcast episode.

---

​

Wanna chat about the note I sent today? Send me a voice note! or hit reply!

---

​

>> 🎙️ Listen to the Podcast: Full Ass Human Podcast​

>> 🎧 Vibe with my 60+ playlists on Spotify: Mel The Oracle​

>> Breathe with me on Insight Timer: Mel the Oracle​

>> 🔗 Visit my Linktree for all the things: Linktree ​

---

Do you already listen to the podcast? First, thank you! Second, take a moment to leave a 5-star rating on Spotify or leave a written review on Apple Podcasts (open the Apple Podcasts App then search 'Full Ass Human Podcast'. Click on the show & scroll to ' Ratings and Reviews', then click 'Write A Review').

​